Happy Birthday Pumpy

Five years ago when the doctor placed you on my chest I was changed. You were born with brown eyes, like mine, which is rare. When you looked at me, you looked into me, and I fell hopelessly in love with you. I pray never to recover.

All my life I will remember the first time I was alone with you. Your father had left, the nurses were busy and our hospital room was very quiet. I lifted you out of your bassinet, swaddled up tight, and brought you into my lap on the hospital bed. With more joy than Christmas, I unwrapped you, layer by layer, to see what I had felt for months.

I took you in for the longest time. How could something, someone, so perfect, come from this world? There we sat, with the sun setting behind us, and I began to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow to you, when you started making noise. But I knew better. I knew what the psalmist meant when he wrote, "from the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise." (Psalm 8:2) We have sung to each other ever since, my son.

You are everything I hoped you would be, smart, caring, funny and more. You are fiercely loyal, determined and my word do you have spunk. I love the way you love your brother, pick on your sister and yet are her first protector if someone else does. I love that you always say, "got me" when I blow you kisses, that you can "read" How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight to me, because you've memorized it and that without fail you make "the face" at the dinner table at least once.

I love that faith is easy for you... A few short weeks ago we were listening to a recorded service from our church in Minnesota when Pastor Jeff gave the altar call, saying if you want to accept Jesus Christ as your savior, raise your hand. From the rear view mirror I watched as your little hand reach up from your car seat as high as it would go. You repeated the prayer of salvation word for word as the tears rolled down my face. Jesus said let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. (Matthew 19:14) I love that your faith has deepened my own.

When you were learning to speak I called you my pumpkin, you repeated it "my pumpy." I can hardly believe 5 years have come and gone, it seems you have always been with me. I remain grateful, in all the changes, sometimes nothing but Mama will do.

I don't know what I could have possibly done to deserve you, but the Bible tells me Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from Him. (Psalm 127:3) I pray that you grow into a strong, loving, Godly man and that someday you have the privilege of hearing your son say your words back to you, "I love you soooooo much, you are so special to me."

Happy Birthday Pumpy.

Love,
Mama

In the Top of the Willow Tree

When I opened my blog back up it felt so good, but when I came down from that I thought, "hmm, now what?" My last blog had a clearly defined purpose; coming out of the Baby Tunnel. But this one? This has been my sanctuary. A fresh start. A lifeline to the new normal in the worst part of the darkness. Now that there's light...?

I know what I don't want Willow Tree to be; a collection of sob stories, poor me tales and woes. Because I really believe blogs reflect the lives of their writers. And that's not the kind of life I want! I want this page to be me. Honest, funny, pleasing to Him and real. Will I have another tantrum? It's possible. Will I turn another corner? You better believe it. But what I really want is to laugh again.

I've been praying about what to write... you know He has a sense of humor. Here's what He gave me, "Children are notorious for driving mothers up a tree. Welcome to mine." After all, isn't the blogosphere really a forest of all our trees?

Let's Laugh,
Carolynn

My Willow

Ron at Troubled Ramblings wrote this for me last night after my first post. It is so perfect, so true, it must be shared.

My Willow
Years ago and miles away
There was a special tree
At a special place
Where I would find love near
Where I could share
My joys and sorrow

In the shade of the tree of tears
With its willowy branches
It shared its serenity
And I shared my chaos
I cried and laughed
Both, in the comfort it gave

Time has taken me far from that tree
And added miles as well
But still there were joys
And there were sorrows
And I looked another comfort
To fill that void

It has taken some time
To come to this realization
Though I loved that old tree
It wasn't the tree that met me
And the one who shared my life
Is still there, as He has always been

Like the faithful willow
He waits when I was sad
For me to come to Him
He waits when I was happy
For me to come as well
And He shares His strength and courage

Today
Far from the tree
I still have my comfort
I still have my gentle breeze
I still have my sunshine
I still have my safety

And He still wraps His arms around me

...I'll wait while you get a kleenex... I KNOW! So perfect. So true. I am awed that God has connected me to so many powerful prayer warriors, to so many kind, talented and beautiful spirits here in the blogosphere.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever He does prospers. (Psalm 1:3)

Rooted In Him,
Carolynn

Hello My Name Is

You knew me as Whitney, because my husband mandated fake names. We've journeyed too far together to keep up the facade.

Hello, My Name Is Carolynn.

Thank you for your prayers, your support and your love over the last 6 weeks. You have impacted my life in ways I could never put in words. I know for sure your reward in Heaven is great.

I'm not intending to post again on the other blog; it is watched... and I am Free. My children and I are moving home at the end of the month to Family; to Wisconsin! I am still in humbled shock that God gave me a do over. I intend to earn it.

When I was a little girl, my Grams had a weeping willow tree in her backyard. My "Happy Place" is there, in the shade of the Willow Tree, surrounded by love, refreshed with a breeze that filtered cool air and sunshine inside the safety of it's branches. I'm blessed you've come to sit a spell with me.

Much Love,
Carolynn