Saturday, March 28, 2009

Cleaning the Toilet Will Be the Death of Me

Remember when your mother would say, "clean the bathroom, it's not going to kill you"? It would seem my mother underestimated my, um, talented use of The Works.

Who could forget my first call to Poison Control when I got it in my eyes?

And now, may I add to the list for your amusement, asphyxiation by commode.

It was a fierce week at work and well, I'm a Monica, cleaning makes me feel better. I was tackling the bathroom and thought, multitasking is good! ...right? Did you know if you're letting The Works do it's thing in your toilet bowl and you spray Windex all over the rim in effort to get through the chore faster, you will create toxic blue smoke? Huh.

I mean! Thank goodness it's Spring and I was able to fling open the window and turn the fan on. (Not that you'd know it's Spring because we're supposed to get 4 inches of snow today, but that's for another post.) Turns out my little science experiment is a common mistake, but one rarely repeated.

That's what I'm here for folks, Public Service at every turn,

Sunday, March 22, 2009

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

So my Dad and Step-mom took us out for lunch today. And out of nowhere, my oldest son says, "Mom, your face is refracting.", wha?? came to mind. So I say what do you mean and he says, "Mom, refraction is like when you put a pencil in a glass of water and it appears to be broken, but really the view of the mass is distorted."

Ooooookay then. Apparently my 10 year old is a genius. And the light coming through the window at Culver's was not flattering.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up,

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen... CONFETTI!

It is finished, the divorce is final. Thank you for your love, prayers, support, encouragement and laughter. I thank God for the laughter.

I wasn't expecting the hurt to come. It's there though, like a death. I guess I was so worried about getting out I never grieved the loss. Was every day of 7 years bad? No. But the whole was greater than the sum of it's parts; it was bad enough that this had to happen. Turn the wheel and break the chain though right? The cycle of abuse must stop here.

I used to say I would be happy if I could teach my children only two things - Follow Jesus and have good credit. Equally important - break the chain. I refuse and rebuke the idea that my sons would ever think this kind of warped relationship is right. My daughter musn't ever know what this road feels like. I'll be damned if I watch her earn the t-shirt.

So I'll celebrate that,

Monday, March 9, 2009

You Say Quirky, I Say Me

My pal Sara wants to know my quirks. Who me? You must be joking! (snort.)

1. I am afraid of the dark. I'm not even almost embarrassed about it. I'm a nightlight addict, they're everywhere. Well really, who wants to break their neck in the middle of the night trying to get a drink of water or be tripped out there's a spider on the wall that only comes out in the dark? Anybody?

2. I sleep with my contacts in. For months at a time. Lasik you ask? Dream on wonder bunny; I have a very low pain tolerance. Can you believe I had 3 babies? Neither can I. I usually forget about my contacts, but right now my glasses are in storage.

3. All I want for my birthday (4/30) are things I already own in my storage unit. Eye glasses, Easter dresses, a box of shoes... Sweet mercy, my shoes.

4. I adore high heels. I only own two pairs of shoes that do not have 3 inch heels. I must have at least 2 dozen pairs. In my defense, my shoe habit collection is the only thing that belongs to me. I mean, as a mother, every other possession I have is practically communal property. But the heels? They're mine. And, let's face it, dang cute.

5. I'm an American Idol junky. Not just a fan. No siree. I still call and vote. I may or may not yell at my television. But I always agree with Simon.

6. The only other television program I have to watch, is the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. It's an event people. I put a countdown on my blog for it. Oh yes I did. Talk all you want through the floats, yes, yes, I love the Kermit the Frog balloon too, but when the Broadway shows come on be quiet - Mama waits all year for this. Plus, when the man in the big red suit finishes the show, I've got full rights to decorate for Christmas. You wait until the next day? Slackers.

7. I'm a Monica. And after the divorce I'm a little bit Ross. Hmm... Guess I'm a Geller.

I tag Diapers & Divinity, Dinkypops No More, Domestically Challenged, Granny on the Web, My Real Life Was Backordered, Peach Out of Water, and Write Stuff.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

WFMW - Fresh Laundry

Kristen wants to know our favorite WFMW. Hands down, it's this one. Want to know the best way to keep clothes and linens smelling like you just took them out of the dryer? Get a Yankee Candle Car Jar, clean cotton scent.

Yep, I just said car air freshener. Stay with me now. Follow the directions on the package to open and release a little bit of the scent at a time. (Because seriously, throwing the entire wrapper away will make your eyes water.) Loop it on a clothes hanger and hang it in your closet or place it on a shelf with your linens and voila! Your laundry will always smell fantastic. Cut away more of the packaging as the scent begins to fade, to release more. This $3 investment can last months.
You can use any scent that floats your boat, I'm just a huge fan of Clean Cotton. My house may not always be clean, but it sure smells clean! I know my idea sounds crazy, but if I could put a scratch-n-sniff link out here you'd be a believer!

Works For Me,

Monday, March 2, 2009

Mix Tape Monday

Sara at Interpret Sass has the best meme in the blogosphere this week: Mix-Tape Monday!

Tell me you remember mix-tapes. Tapes at all! I got my first walkman when I was 8; I'll have you know it was pink. My first tape? Bon Jovi. Let's not discuss the fact that my daughter will never get an album called Slippery When Wet when she's 8 ever. Instead, just remember how much fun singing along to this song was. Is. You know.

Can we take a moment of silence for the genius who made cd players with a repeat button? Anyone else make a mix-tape of one song over and over again so you wouldn't wear out the rewind button on your boom box? Just me? Forget I mentioned it.

Rock On,