Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Be Near

Your fullness is mine, revelation divine. But oh to taste, to know much more than a page, to feel Your embrace... For dark is light to You, depths are height to You; far is near, but Lord I need to hear from you, be near Oh God.

My fourth interview (same company) went great, but I wasn't chosen. The recruiter fell all over himself about how perfect I was for the position, but the other candidate knew lawyers in the firm and was chosen because of an established report.

Be near oh God.

Habitat for Humanity called today, it's a No. For at least two years; I don't meet their financial requirements.

Be near oh God.

In this economy, I am more qualified to check your groceries or deliver your pizza. Never mind a dozen years of administrative experience, I don't have a degree and the 50 other people applying for the same job, do.

Be near oh God.

Weeks like this could empower the enemy's words as he laughs in my face and snarls, you never should have left.

Be near oh God.

The public at large feels entitled to say, why don't they just leave? And this is why. Because not every mother is blessed to have a family waiting with open arms. Because many don't have an education that enables them to stand alone. Because door after door is slammed in her face.

Be near oh God.

The enemy has been very loud today. Don't you see? You're that girl. That uneducated, white trash, divorced mother of three. ...but I'm not who he says I am.

Only Almighty God Himself gets the privilege to define me - because He made me.

The enemy can't shame me, he can't touch one hair on my head. He can snarl and hiss, but I can shake the gates of Hell with faith. The night X walked out, I went back to church and even though I sobbed, I raised my hands in praise to the One who knew.

Though the road has been long and hard, though my arms feel like lead from the weight they have borne, I will raise my hands again to Him tonight, and praise Him in the valley. I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:14)

The Word tells me I am...
No longer a slave, but a child and an heir (Galatians 4:7)
Chosen, Holy and Blameless in His sight (Ephesians 1:4)
God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)

and the one that drove me to my knees tonight as I seek Him... But now in Christ Jesus, you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. (Ephesians 2:13)

His nearness truly is our good.

With Gratitude,
Carolynn

9 comments:

Forgotten Katalyst said...

Good things are meant for you my love. Often times it's not as quickly as we'd like; but have faith, they are on their way.

Growin' with it! said...

oh sweet friend...He truly is so very near to you. i am a firm believer that everything (even the crud) happens for a reason. this post is one i wish so badly i would have written instead of all the ones where i questioned where He was...because He was/is near me, i just wasn't looking. you amaze me carolynn, you really do!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I don't even know what to say, but for some reason the story of Christ calming the storm comes to mind. I know he is mindful of you.

Dawn said...

Keep clinging to HIM, girl! He knows the master plan and it's a good one.

You amaze and bless me with your faith, Carolynn! Know that God is using you even in this difficult time.

Blessings upon you, friend!

Erin K. said...

The greater the fall, the bigger the bounce. =) (Or something like that.)

Everything you wrote is sooooo right! Satan has no power over you and no say so in your life - the only thing he can do to try and make you ineffective is to lie to you and intimidate you, and make you think you are less than you really are.

You are royalty, an heir in the Kingdom of God. You are seated at the right hand of the Father. You have the mind of Christ. All things will work together for your good.

Praying for you, friend!

Kristina P. said...

This was amazing to read, and heartbreaking at the same time. I now see why you needed a good laugh!

Thanks for stopping by.

SuperAunt said...

You know, my paster told me once (actually serveral times in the past and probably more to come) that when God doesn't answer you prayers, possibly you are not asking for the right things, or that he hears everyone, and is choosing the most urgent and dyer to take care of first. Sometimes it is hard to believe that our issues are not the worst on the list, but at the same time, it scares the beejeebers out of me to think how much worse someone elses life or experiences could be, and then I am thankful that I only have the challenges that I have on my plate. This is not to say that things couldn't be better, they could, but sometimes when we close our minds to the issues we are dealing with, it gives us a window of opportunity to see the others that are suffering right next to us, and that is when I am humbled, and reminded to look at my list of things to be deeply grateful for. I was speaking to a woman, my age, three kids, roughly the ages of mine, and she was telling me that they removed a tumor from her brain the size of a lime, it was cancer, she can no longer drive, comprehend what she reads and sometimes cannot follow stories from her children, as the words and meanings get lost, and then told me that she will not see them attain the milestones that she dreamt for them when they were born. Talk about a wake up call!!! I went home last night thankful that I only had the "small" in comparison issues that I do. Keep your chin, self esteem, and self confidence up, don't allow anyone EVER convince you that you are a victim. Possibly a casualty of the times, but not a victim. Your kids are proud of you, your family loves you, and you have the best person watching over you... You are blessed.... and we love you.

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jubilee said...

So moving. Such a good reminder to us all.

You ARE fearfully and wonderfully made!