Thursday, December 25, 2008

Can Only Go Up

This is, by far, the worst Christmas I've ever had. But you know what? I'm ok with that... can only go up from here; if I flip it maybe it's my best Christmas. And I'm still doing better than half the world. It is almost 2 o' clock in the morning and I still can't sleep... time to count my blessings.
  1. I am saved. I know Jesus. He is with me.
  2. I have 3 amazing children who I'm just crazy about.
  3. My family has their arms wide open for me.
  4. I'm going home to Wisconsin in 2 days!
  5. I live in the best country in the world.
  6. I was a part of the best Christmas Eve service of my life.
  7. I have friends, good friends, for the first time in years.
  8. I am being carried through the valley.
Did I cry like a baby after I dropped my children off with X for the next 6 days, this afternoon? For Sure. But getting them back and being together next Christmas will mean so much more.

Did I have Burger King for dinner, alone in my car on Christmas Eve? Yup. But next year when I sit down with my family to a pretty table with a whole smorgasbord I will savor it.

Am I just gutted about leaving my church? You Bet. But when the Lord presents an opportunity for me to come along someone the way Celebration has for me, I will joyfully serve them.

My heart is hurting, breaking, all over again tonight. A dear friend told me that if I give all the pieces to God, He will put it back together. I wear a necklace that says, "If your heart is open it can never stay broken." Right now I'm handing the Lord a broom because I can't see through my tears to find all the pieces.

But. He will use my mess for His message. I will have a testimony from this test. More than all this, I found the real Christmas this year.

Trust me when I say it was not, for one second, about the tree or what was (or wasn't) under it this year. It was not about a bake-a-thon, traveling or photo ops. This Christmas I met my my Savior at His birthplace, a lowly manger... and I have been blessed.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
(Isaiah 9:6)

Merry Christmas,
Carolynn

14 comments:

Ron said...

Merry Christmas, my friend, Merry Christmas

Erin K. said...

I'm so glad you have the opportunity to journal all of this, because you are right - next you will look back on this and be amazed at how far you've come. In the meantime, my heart aches for you and what you are going through. You are in my prayers today, and I will continue to pray for you as you move back home and get settled in.

Patrice said...

Oh girl, I know your heart is in pieces and I am praying for you. Hold tight and stay strong. I wish I lived closer to you so i could give you a hug and share a cup of hot coffee!!

Stay warm, stay strong and hold that dust pan steady for Him!!

Blessed said...

Merry Christmas - God always meets us at our lowest and lifts us higher!

Christy said...

I will be praying for you...

Boy Mom said...

Sending prayers your way. Way to go on flipping everything to see the good.

Merry Christmas!

Growin' with it! said...

well i don't find it as a coincidence that God brought you to my mind this morning as I sat around with my family. I prayed for you carolynn. i know you are in a difficult spot right now.

i don't know if you've read this post or if it even brings something personal to your life. if anything it helps with having a deep, cleansing sorta cry. (although i know you need uplifting encouragement today)....but it is incredible. and to be reminded of how God pieces us back together is amazing!

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/05/past-and-pitcher.html

with love,
linda

Katalyst said...

Love you darlin', Merry Christmas. You'll be home soon.

eternallyhuckdoll said...

"If your heart is open it can never stay broken."

I really like that.

2009 will be a great year for you, I'm sure of it. Best of luck in your travels home.

Jodi said...

Merry, Merry Christmas my dear! Thankfully, He is big enough to handle it all! Can't wait to see what He does next for you! many blessings!

MeMe's Ink said...

Hi Caroline,

I love the movies also. I haven't seen Australia but if it's on DVD I will rent it.
I hope you and your children had a Merry Christmas. I will be praying for you.

Annette

PS. I think I accidentally deleted your comment. I'm new at this and I left you a comment on my own blog so when I deleted it I think I deleted your comment in the process. OOPS!!! HeHe

minnesotamom said...

You know what? Pastor today read to us from Zechariah 13:

"In the whole land," declares the LORD, "two-thirds will be struck down and perish; yet one-third will be left in it.

This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold.
They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.'"

He said Christians go through this fire...because He loves us. I pray that you can continue to see that through the tough times. Merry (belated) Christmas, Carolynn!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Better and better things are in your future--2009 will be a great year.

Merry Christmas :)

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Oh, friend. As I write this, I realize that you must be home in Wisconsin by now. I have my fingers crossed that your homecoming is everything that you are hoping it to be. A new beginning for the new year.

I am so glad that you are together with your kids again. You also couldn't be more right...you can only go up from here.

XOXO